Marriage is a lot of hard work.
Next month will be 3 years that I am officially married. To tell you the truth, its gone by in somewhat of a blur. But let me tell you the truth, marriage is a struggle.
I am not saying that it is not amazing, it is. In fact it is amazing to have someone that you can annoy so much and they still stick around. It is amazing that someone can be there on your worst days, see the true natural look of your hair and still hang around. Even on those days that you just want to dig a hole and bury yourself, you somehow find solace in this annoying individual that refuses to give you space.
Marriage, however is definitely somewhat of an acquired taste. Apart from the amazing connection and bond that it creates, it also is the destroyer of all privacy ( you know what I mean, when you need to poop and he is banging down the door because he needs the loo too), it also, depending on the type of person you are, destroys even the little amount of selfishness you may have (because now you’re thinking about how things affect the other person).
I am 24 years old, married, have two kids and am living in a rented home that is 2 hours away from my home town. The past 3 years of my life have been a struggle, but it has empowered me in such a way, that I am stronger now.
I was pregnant with my son when we decided to do the court marriage thing. Don’t get me wrong, we were very much in love at that time, having a kid just sped the process up a little. We married for love and for the joined love of our coming child. I faced alot of problems going in to a family that had ways that were completely different from mine. These problems affected my marriage severely, to the point that my husband said to me, “bring me the divorce papers “, this was only when my son was a few days old.
My husband himself, put me through a lot of drama, going and getting drunk while I went through a difficult pregnancy and was up and down in hospitals, he cheated on me (not full on cheating, but any cheating is cheating to me), he has a terrible temper and has even raised his hands on me. But we are here now, almost a full 3 years down the line.
Why am I here?
Firstly, I love him, I really do. I believe that he loves me too. Secondly, my parents brought me up and taught me to respect all and I try my very best to do so. I have made peace with those in his family that have done me wrong, it does not help to keep grudges. Thirdly, I have forgiven his mistakes. I have not forgotten them, nor will I ever tolerate them again but I have forgiven them. My parents have celebrated 29 years of marriage, I’m sure they have had their fair share of troubles, but they have emerged victorious by staying together. Fourth, my darling children, my beautiful blessings. I would not want to stain their lives with the stigma of coming from a broken home. If I can fight for anything, I’d fight to keep them happy.
Marriage has made me a stronger woman, I have learned to stand up for myself, for my children and to the people who are used to ruling over others. Marriage has taught me how to handle myself in the toughest situations, it has also taught me how to maintain relationships and loosen the strain.
Marriage hasn’t been all bad. It has given me the best joys, two beautiful children and a husband, that is changing slowly to become a family man, a loving husband and a good father. To watch that in action and know that you are the reason for that transformation, is quiet fulfilling in itself. Marriage has changed who I am as a person, from me to we and that hasn’t always been a bad thing. 3 years may seem like nothing, but trust me it has been a long time with many trials and tribulations, however I am happy where I am with my married life and I am so very happy to be a mother. I can’t tell you how I feel about being married tomorrow, but I can tell you now that it is a wonderful, frustrating and fulfilling journey.
You just need to be sure that you really want this, you really love the person and that you are prepared to fight with them and for them. Don’t give up on love due to clichés and quote pictures that you see online, if you want to give up, don’t do it because of someone else’s influence,do it because something within yourself cannot stay anymore. There is nothing wrong with giving up, even if you have kids, just ensure that their lives are not broken in the process. You can always try your hand at love later on.
Reflecting on marriage after 3 years has made me realise that I am definitely stronger than I used to be, I have definitely grown as a person and a woman and there is much more to come!
All in all, I am a happy wife & a happy mum. I may not have everything, but I have everything I need and I am content with my life.